Well, not sure where to start so this could get jumpy...
I've just had about 10 days of feeling pretty decent and in fact ok to good. So that's good. I have kept social, seeing a few friends. Mostly one to ones to have a good talk about life and everything related. This has been good and I have been really pleased with the positive responses I've had from people about my change in the last couple of months. That's really nice to hear, especially from Sarah, who I talk to everyday and Marco, who I've not seen for 5-6 weeks. So apparently it's noticeable. Yay!
With that in mind, it may come as a bit of a surprise that my medication is being increased, doubled in fact. I think this is for a couple of reasons:
1. After having a mental health assessment, I was told contradicting things which has annoyed me. The outcome seems to be that one avenue of support is being cut off to me. Which I wouldn't mind, if that was made clear and I had not been told something else initially. *Breathe*
2. My iTalk group therapy sessions have now finished (after completion of a six week programme). So again another avenue of support, that I have found useful and beneficial is, for now, closed. While I do have the experience of the group and resources to use, I already miss the weekly gathering to discuss how our weeks have gone. However I am having a second review discussion next week. Which I am hopeful about.
3. My negative thoughts including self harm, have lowered in intensity. However they are ever present in my day to day life.
4. Despite the fact that my medication should have been reviewed after four weeks, this is my first review since starting citalopram ten weeks ago.
5. Do I want to get better? This is something I've asked myself quite a lot. It may seem like a really 'weird' thing to many of you. But this is an illness of the mind after all.
The citalopram has helped to level me out, as I've previously mentioned, this has centred (for lack of a better term) my feelings and emotions to some extent. While I miss some of the highs, it's actually the lows I miss more. The rush of emotion, the desperation, as I said it doesn't make sense. I'm just telling you how I feel, I'm not, I can't, tell you why.
I'm planning on writing a post about my iTalk experience soon which will review what I have experienced and my thoughts on the support available through the service I used. Hopefully that maybe helpful to someone out there. It'll be a good recap for me.
As for now, tomorrow I start my double dose, let's see how that goes. There's been a few other things going on but I'm not sure about if I want to post about those things yet. Likely I will do, just not right now.
Keep talking, let's tackle that dude/dudette called stigma!
